On the Insensativity of Being a Sensative Person

 Dear readers, 

I want to just share a short thought with you--sometimes when we think we are being sensative and kind, we really are not.

Many things in life require balance. And recently I realized that perhaps occasionally in my quest to be a kind an dignified human being, I actually do the opposite. What do I mean?

Well, as I mature I have begun to understand that:

• To love another, we must first love ourselves

• That to be selfless, we first must have a defined self, and indeed not totally remove this self  from our reality 

Sometimes when I think I am helping another person by ignoring myself, I am actually harming them

To break this down into simpler terms, I am attempting to convey that I have grasped the importance of knowing myself, addressing my thoughts and feelings first, as well as the importance of being honest. Honesty, to myself and to others, can save a lot of misunderstanding, heartbreak, and pain. 

It is so easy to think "well, what does so and so want? Oh they must need..." But it takes a different kind of strentgh to understand that in order to really be attune to somebody else's needs, we must first know our own minds, and be at one with ourselves.

 If I am honest with myself first about a job I want to do, my feelings towards a man, or my availbility in my schedule to see a friend, then I am being kind to them. It is easy to fall into the trap of mistakenly thinking by "squeezing" a friend into time I don't actually have for them, or going on just "one more date because he's just so nice that maybe..." But this, dear readers, I now can see is not the right way to live life. If I would tell my friend "you know, I am a student and I choose to spend all my evenings studying, maybe I can come for a shabbat sometime?" or "you are a really lovely person, but I don't feel it is matim." 

I feel "mean" in the above cases, and yet it is actually kinder to be honest with people. The friend deserves time where I am present and happy to be with her. The man deserves to be with a woman who appreciates him for who he is, is attracted to him, and who wants to build a life with him. Not someone who just thinks he is nice...

I have heard the adage that a broken vessel cannot pour. I am finally starting to understand this.

So be kind, both to yourselves and also others.

Oh, and do please wear your mask.

I remain yours etc,

Shira