Shana Tova!

BS”D

Hello dear readers,

Another year, and another month for introspection and reflection. I have aged, as is the common practice, as well as matured. The advancement of my years has taught me the value of letting go, the value of taking people at face value,and the value of appreciation. (I have obviously learned other life lessons as well, many of which feature on this blog, but I will keep this entry to the appointed three.)

Letting Go

I am a blessed individual who shares blood with some of the most charming creatures to walk this planet. Two of my sisters whom I adore exemplify this trait of being able to “just let it go.”

As a human who suffers from grudge-bearing and an inability to forgive the wrongdoings of others in a timely fashion, I greatly admire the ability to simply forgive and let go. If we are frank with ourselves we know that the human condition is a complex one that involves many facets and numerous considerations. The concept of a double standard, which is very annoying, is also extremely fascinating. It is also all too common and I suppose this year I’ve started to realize why. People are ingeniously complicated. There are desires, there are needs, and of course beliefs and feelings are not to be ignored either. I found myself recently, for instance, shamelessly degrading a group of guests who were all supposed to be coming to a party and kept making excuses as to why they couldn't come. One day before the alleged gathering I found myself just about to make my very own excuses! Why? Because life does happen and sometimes we agree to things we should not and hindsight is so much clearer than the present.

Goal: I hope to work this year on letting more go. Even when something upsets me, to just allow myself to feel upset but detach myself from the particulars and just be upset at the situation. One of my sisters taught me this and I think it is bloody liberating. She taught me that it is alright to be upset when someone was rude to me, but not to hate them forever. I can be upset that something rude was said to me. And yet I must entertain the thought that said rude person was having a bad day. I am not going to let it give me a bad life. This, friends, is FREEDOM.

Taking People at face value

For a soul such as mine it is quite effortless to overthink and overanalyze conversations, body language, as well as social expectations and/or interactions. I am fully capable of spending hours determining what someone “really meant.” I can go back and forth with myself on how I if I just did this and that, and maybe this other thing, then X could come to the party even though they wrote “sorry, can’t make it.” This trait of mine can also lead me to be nosey, arrogant, and altogether a prick. This year I began to realize the wisdom of “staying in my business.” I started to grasp the importance of focusing on myself and that rather than being selfish of self centered, it actually frees me to interact with others in a more meaningful and truthful way. I am a more authentic and honest individual when I stick to the facts - and those I can only know for certain about myself. If I try to respond or answer for anyone else I merely make myself a middleman. Or middlewoman, I dare say. In any event, the exact same is true if I ask a third party a question instead of asking the person directly involved! And that, friends, I have learned, is ridiculously silly. So many issues today arise from things like hearsay and gossip, when had we just clarified with the actual person involved we would have gotten to the truth of what was wanted or needed directly! This lesson I am still schooling myself in. The journey is uphill, to say the least. As many of you likely already know, it is one thing to pen an idea so clearly, and quite another to actually do it.

Goal: To mind my own bloody business. I hope to focus on what I can contribute and the rights and wrongs I commit… and stop busying myself with what others are doing or saying.

The Value of Appreciation

We often get told that gratitude lists are helpful and as children are taught to say thank you. I think it’s important as adults to remember to really mean thank you, and to sincerely consider what it may have taken another person to overcome to get to the exact point in time you overlap with them. I can get so arrogant sometimes, that I show complete disregard for a person as a whole, and get stuck in the here and now where I intersect with them. But I am a mere moment or experience. People are very complex and deep and multifaceted. I think as I learn to honour and recognize this reality, I am more and more thankful. A ride from a friend to dinner may seem like no big deal, but had I known he was terrified of getting behind the wheel, had failed his driving test eight times, and also been in accident, well maybe my “thanks!” would have sounded a little more genuine as I slammed the door on my way out of the car. Or maybe I should listen the first time when someone tells me “sorry I won’t be able to make it” and instead of telling myself how flakey they are, and why can’t they just commit to one thing, perhaps I should just say “okay, well I’ll miss you but I understand. I hope everything is ok.” Because you know what? For all I know her aunt/uncle/father/brother/sister/neighbour/friend/you-name-it has unpredictable chemo treatments and she’s the only one who drives in her whole building so she takes them. Honestly, what do I know? And even if I *think* I know, I need to realize I could be wrong. I must remember that as much as we lie to others, we humans are also experts at deceiving ourselves. I think we would be wise to remember this.

Good year to all, and to all a good year!

Blessings for a year of health, prosperity, and joy.

Wishes for happiness, security, and safe havens.

And lastly prayers for a year of growth, contemplation, and smiles so wide that our jaws hurt.

I remain yours etc.,

Shira

שנה שלמה עברה וקשה לי להאמין שאני פה ארבע שנים! כל יום לומדים משהו וגם כל שנה. הנה הדברים שלמדתי השנה ועזרו לי להתבגר עוד טיפה:

1. לשחרר
2. לקבל את המצב/בני אדם בדיוק איך ואיפה שהם עכשיו
3. הכרת הטוב

שנה טובה ומתוקה לכל אחד!

My Sister's Words: a Girl Wise Beyond her Years

Hello Readers,

I have been on a leave of absence from this medium since I was not sure I wanted to put to pen so many inner feelings of mine for the wide world to see. And yet, I find myself missing writing for the blog. I think I will return, but perhaps slowly and with more careful thought to what I post. Regardless, I wanted to publish here a post written by my sister in January. I was a naughty sibling and did not publish it when she submitted it to me. Today I realized I wanted to correct my error and fix my wrong. I found her column and began to read, convinced it would no longer be relevant. I quickly revealed that my little sister is a very wise human being. The thoughts she recorded to share months ago are still so very true at this moment, and indeed, they share a message I need to heed in these very days and moments of my life. I love her so dearly and am so blessed that I get to share a life with such a wise, kind, and beautiful soul. Without further ado, my sister's words:



Hello Shira's blog :) It's an honor making a guest appearance on here. I've been meaning to write something for a long time and I figured as the secular New Year rolls in that it is a good as time as any.

Always at the time of New Year's I take a step back and reevaluate my choices in life.
I think to myself if I'm where I wanna be, if I have fulfilled my goals for the year, if I'm happy with who I am. Is God happy with who I am?
This year started out with a bang 
I quit my evening job on January first. They had texted me two hours before my shift to inform me that someone else was taking my shift. I told them that that was unacceptable. They apologized profusely but I took that as a sign to reevaluate if I was even happy in that job and the answer was no. So I quit. 
January second I got a text from the lady I wanted to buy a car from that she rethought it and decided to sell the car to me for the price I wanted. I was ecstatic! Finally I had done my own adult business deal in Hebrew! I felt so proud of myself. Me and the owner made up to meet on Friday at the post office to switch over the deed and for me to pay her.
Come Thursday afternoon (less then 24 hours of me owning my own car) I receive a text from her saying "I sold my car today to a close relative. Sorry, and best of luck!. 
In the first week of 2018 I quit my job, and lost my future car.

I decided that this was a sign to look at the bright side. Without the expense of buying a car I had already reached my goal of money for my trip to Europe this summer (God willing.)

When one door closes another always open. 

After quitting my evening job I felt like a new person. I felt free and like I was taking back the reins of my life 
Going from working 76.5 hours to 46.5
I had time to do laundry again, clean my room, go to a wedding, see my mother during the week! It felt amazing.

Sometimes when we are having a hard time, we have to step back and just acknowledge that a door  is closing and another will open soon.
Ride the waves as they say :)

If At First You Don't Succeed, Try, Try again--Wow That Get Old

Hello readers,

Today is a cozy stormy day in Israel and seems like the perfect day to compose a blog post. I've just turned on the official Pride and Prejudice soundtrack so I can get straight to it!

The other day I needed to get the phone number of a specific office. I had previously been directed to call a Moked (I guess sort of like an information hotline?). After much procrastination I settled in to do the task. I called the Moked and was immediately bombast-ed by an automated menu all in Hebrew. It was fast, complicated, and unclear. I tried to hit the option I thought I wanted...but it didn't work. I hung up.  I renewed my resolve and redialed. Again the prerecorded list of options was presented to me and this time I tried to hear it all the way through, concluding that I must have missed the "speak with a breathing human being" option. I failed afresh and shut my phone once more.

I hunkered down and called yet again, my resolve staying firm but my annoyance building. I tried and tried to puzzle out the meanings of the lavish verbs and nouns they felt appropriate for the machine to use. For the third time I was unsuccessful in reaching a human being to get the number from and my understanding still disastrous. I dialed the number for a fourth time. The now familiar menu once again said it's piece and I impulsively decided to go with what possibly sounded like the option of speaking with a person if I stretched my imagination very much. It worked! I was put through to a woman who after I explained what I needed was super efficient and kind. The interaction took all of three minutes.

I left this situation in a musing mood. On the one hand I was very proud of myself for getting the number I needed. The whole ordeal was all in Hebrew and I didn't have to ask for help even once. That feeling was amazing. On the other hand, it took me four tries to call a simple line and get a phone number. I'm a twenty-something and I cannot complete a simple phone call. I was disappointed with myself and frustrated that as an Olah a straightforward task becomes such an ordeal.

I realized that this is where I am in my Aliyah. Thank G-d I am able to get many things done*, but it takes me several tries. It is hard for me to get things done correctly the first time, and because I moved here as an already-competent adult, this regression is onerous for me. I have indeed progressed since I first came here when I couldn't do anything and required aid for each undertaking. I am grateful for that but I am still exasperated that I am not as I once was. The echos of a past Shira continuously remind me that I used to be cool, that I used to be independent, and that I used to be  efficient.

As youngsters we are told "if at first you don't succeed try and try again. Well when you're a child and this adage is thrust at you it's easier to take in stride and just try again. But when it feels like you're all grown up and should be able to take care of yourself,  it's less elementary to have another go. Sometimes it's  just a drudge and even though I am thankful I can eventually make the phone call and piece the meaning together, I still miss the old Shira.

*(Please note that not everything can I get done and please don't leave this post thinking that I completely manage and I do get into many scrapes which I may record at another time).

I remain yours etc,
Shira