Dearest Readers,
Here I am, like every other blogger, writing a reflective post bidding 2018 farewell and welcoming 2019. I find myself in a place in life where it is much simpler for me to reflect on my past than try to predict my future. This post, then, will echo that sentiment, and focus generally on what was and not on what may or may not come to pass.
I will note that my dearest sister penned some lovely thoughts and accomplishments of her year, and I was inspired not only by her words, but by the structure of her writing. I shall attempt to also mold my post into a work easy to follow and navigate. Please note that both my list of epiphanies and my list of philosophical queries are too lengthy to explore each item in this blog post. Therefore, I shall limit them to an index of topics that may or may not be analysed at a later date on this platform.
The following caveat must, I think, be stated: The year 2018 was not an easy year. I am aware that many people say this, and I think that although some may think this cheapens the thought, perhaps it lends some clarity and even empathy to the fact that many people struggle.
Philosophy:
This year I was privileged to have some great discussions with several sensitive, intuitive, and sharp minds. My sister was one of my foremost comrades in my musings and I cherish her for that. A sample of some of my philosophical queries follows (certainly each discussion demands a post of its own, and may one day even materialize):
- Veganism as a religious value and concept
- Personal growth in the context of Nature vs. Nurture
- Facing one’s fears: universal or personality-dependant
- Meeting society’s expectations and living with the decisions that ensue
- Human accountability and the hypocritical temptations of judgment (especially in politics)
Travel:
I was blessed with the opportunity to travel this year. I had never before boarded a plane for mere pleasure (excluding my Taglit trip) and I enjoyed getting to experience touring a foreign country with no real “purpose” aside from enjoying myself. I learned a few valuable lessons from my wanderings. Presumably the greatest knowledge gained was that in this century I am not trapped in my country. I do not need to live in forests and next to waterfalls to revel in their glory… I can just visit them. This glaringly obvious understanding thoroughly changed me. I returned to Israel content and peaceful in a way I hadn’t been since moving. I spent months and months mourning the loss the smell of the forest after rain and the feel of moss beneath my fingertips. My travels taught me that I can be satisfied with the climate and culture I choose to spend my day-to-day life in, and if I need a break or have the opportunity, I can go seek those comforts elsewhere. They didn’t really disappear.
While traveling I also came to understand that it is important to have opinions about things to see and places to be. Being easy-going all the time is not entirely healthy. It is good to remain flexible but it is also imperative to assert oneself regarding issues that are important to a person and even personal preferences.
Personal Growth:
I underwent several personal developments and realizations this year, which I daresay is not only expected, but furthermore desirable.
- I recognized that I enjoy being out of doors.
- I had an epiphany where I realized the difference between personal accountability at all times and relying on family and close friends.
- I explored my personality type (“type one”) and contrasted it with those of others close to me.
- I painfully learned what it means to achieve failure.
- I learned (and still am learning) to sift through friends and sort out those who really care for one another and are healthy from those that are, not to offend, basket cases.
- I started experiencing feelings so strong and tumultuous that I lack words to describe and articulate them. Now that, dear readers, for an individual who takes comfort from the written word and finds shelter in the arms of language, is truly terrifying.
Although it is overdone indeed, I shall like to close with gratitude. I want to thank my parents and siblings for their continuous support, sensitivity, and understanding of the being who is before you on this page, despite the pandemonium she sometimes caused and experienced this year. I want to acknowledge those wise souls who listened to and guided me through varied rough patches this year--you know who you are, and thank you so much. I want to take a moment to recognize those who fought and fell before me so I would have the right to be sitting here writing a blog post. Thank you.
אני באמת אף פעם באמת לא יודעת מה לרשום בסופי הפוסטים שלי. אני עוד לא ברמה שאני יכולה לכתוב מה שכתבתי והסברתי באנגלית. לפיכך אני אשאל "איך חיים?" החיים ... מזיזים וממשיכים. אני לא אגיד שאני לא באיבוד, אלא נדמה לי שאני סוג של גרה באיבוד. למרות זאת, אני מתקדמת, צעד צעד. כשאני מסתכלת אחורה בשנת 2018 אני רואה תמונה שהיא מטושטשת. הרגשות נפלאות וחוויות חבל על הזמן. אבל אני גם רואה חושך וכאב. החיים הם לא פשוטים, ואני מקווה ששנה הבא תביא תמונה ברורה יותר. מעל זה, אני מאוד מקווה שאפילו אם חפצים שנמצאים בתוך התמונה לא משתפרים, שאני אלמד איך לכוון את העדשה.
Translation: I really never know how to end my posts in Hebrew. I still haven't reached the level where I can write and explain what I wrote in English. Therefore, I’ll just ask “how’s life?” Life...moves and goes on. I won’t say I’m not lost, rather I sort of live in Lost. Despite this, I progress: step by step. When I look back at 2018 I see a blurry photograph. Feelings that were wonderful and experiences out of this world. But I also see darkness and pain. Life, isn't simple and I hope that next year brings a clearer picture. Even more so, I really hope that even if the items inside the photograph don’t improve, that I will learn how to adjust the lens.
I remain yours etc,
Shira
