Mah Nishtana: How is this Year Different than all Others?

Dear readers,

Passover 2020, and I am treating every day as  a world unto itself.

Covid-19 has changed the world in so many ways. I find myself typing this blog post during Passover, at my parent’s house in the North of Israel, on a day I should have been working in Jerusalem and on break from studies. Oh, and I should have been planning for my sister’s wedding.

Yet, I have no studies, my work excused me so I could stay where I am in space with my family, and my sister got married. So different than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams!

I write to you dearest reader, on the fourth day of Passover, and I want to reflect a little bit on how my Seder went and thoughts I had about it. Please, bare with me:

I shall begin with noting that I had a very pleasant Seder. I drank all four cups of wine, only mildly embarrassed myself, and partook of a delicious meal (with artichokes!). But, for the first time in the past six years, I completed my Seder and did not mourn the loss of a second one. Ordinarily I spend some time seder night moping about my loss of a second seder, grieving the loss of a whole second opportunity to share my haggadah, ideas, and in general have the chance to remedy any blemish from the first night. But this year, 5780/2020 I couldn’t help but think of those in isolation abroad, who were facing two Seders and then immediately Shabbat, completely alone. There is no Synagogue, no shared meals, nothing of the sort. In addition to feeling incredibly sad for these people, I noticed that I was content with my Seder and not upset that I would have to wait another year entirely.

I want to explore my newfound acceptance in the scope of the Mah Nishtana questions we asked at the Seder. I want to propose my own new question: 

Why is this year different from all other years?

On all other years we prep in a rush, and dash about to finish all in time

This year we sit at home for weeks in isolation, calmly preparing each day

On all other years we travel and plan where to be and when

This year our biggest tiul is to the bin or the supermarket

On all other years we read through the plagues merely as part of the story

This year we read the story to try to understand the plague 

On all other years we celebrate as a community and come together as a nation to serve G-d.

This year we celebrate alone, and serve G-d as a nation made up of individuals serving in solitary solidarity 

Usually on the night of the Seder we say Hallel twice, once in Synagogue and once during the Seder in our home. Rav Kook says that we do this because we have to give thanks and praise both as a nation for the miracles and wonders done for us (in Synagogue) but also during our personal Seders because we must personally feel that we as individuals were taken out of Egypt. This year, of course, there was no Synagogue and when I consulted with my Rabbi he said we simply omit the communal one. 

After recovering from my initial disappointment, I realized that maybe there was a lesson here for me to learn during Corona. Maybe this is the year that is presenting us as a nation with the opportunity to reflect on what we are doing and our potential as individuals and see how we fit into the nation. We learn from chemistry that everything in the universe (just about) can be broken up into smaller bits, or parts of a whole if you will. I think that this year, for the first time in many of our lives, we had the chance to hunker down, look ourselves in the figurative mirror and ask: Who am I? Where would the world be without me in it? Am I doing everything I can to help? Am I happy? Am I my best self?

I think that Corona has taught me many things, and helped me revisit my perspective on a lot of concepts in my life. From hours spent working through difficult conversations with my sister, to learning to make peace with decisions that are not mine to make. So many conventions in my life I am learning were really just that--convention. We are a flexible and adaptable species, and as a nation we have shown ourselves to be not only kind and brave, but resilient. So with these final thoughts I’ll close. 

Thanks for reading, and joining me on my journey. Thanks for kindly listening to me for these past fives years, and giving me the space and confidence to grow and change. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. And, please, allow me to share some advice that I give myself often. I think it’s solid counsel for everyone all the time, but especially now during a global pandemic:

Ultimately we have power only over ourselves. It is our job to choose good in every situation we are faced with in life. It matters little what others do or choose, as we cannot change them, only us. So when you reach any crossroads or choice, just do the right thing. 

Not so simple you say? What of all the grey in the world? Well, you are right. But do remember that grey is made up of black and white. 

I remain yours etc,

Shira