Dear Readers,
For all of you who have forgotten me, my name is Shira and I have a blog which you are reading and that I am dreadfully naughty at remembering to post on. Updates are in order as is expected when so long of a time span as elapsed since I last wrote.
I have finished my Sherut Leumi (National Service) and am on vacation. Being on vacation is so delightful that it is actually vexing. Of a sudden, all the goals and aspirations which a mere week previously I felt and held dear to my heart, have thoroughly disintegrated and I find myself wondering why in the world I should ever return to routine, to studies, and pursuing goals that are so tough. Why not, say, spend my life as a Gardner? Or just read novels all day and all night long?
This is how you find me. Suddenly again at a loss of what to do, and when to do it, and also the question of why do I even want to do it. On holiday i find myself with the time to appreciate all the small things and remember my hobbies and petty pleasures. I have conversations I am 100% involved in and I have no nagging worry. I can focus completely on a task and my sister now keeps remarking on how sharp I am. I wake when I like (relatively speaking) and slumber when I wish and in general prance about as I like and lay about lazily and essentially just do as I please. To exist in such a carefree state is pure contentment! And so I find myself disoriented. I did not expect to feel this way after taking such a long while to decide what I wanted to do. After months of carefully planning and what feels like ages of serving the country I had not anticipated this questioning to resurface.
I had not foreseen myself questioning my life path any more but I find myself indeed doing just that. Questioning, however, is healthy and I am not angry at myself, merely puzzled. As I recently advised a close friend of mine, in my opinion before making any important decision it is wise to turn the ideas round and round in our heads and analyze it from any and all angles so that there is an answer to every single naysayer. I want to know why I am doing something just as deeply as I want to know why I am not doing something else. I must defend my ideals to myself and in this I find myself at present, struggling.
Do wish me luck as I wish to you all. In the near future I intend to post more about my reflections on two years of service dedicated to the country as well as host a guest writer.
I remain yours etc,
Shira
חופש הוא טוב לנפש. להשתחרר אחרי שנתיים של שרות זה כיף וטוב. השרות שלי לא היתה מסוכנת או רעה בכלל אבל בסיום של כל דבר שעושים לתקופה ארוכה יש סיבה לחגוג ולהשתחרר. אני מודה ל 'ה על ההזדמנות לתרום למדינתי ולתת בתקן שהיה כל כך משמועתי לי אשית. זכיתי מאוד.
Translation: Vacation is good for the soul. To feel release after two years of service is fun and good. My Service wasn't dangerous or bad at all but for any completion of something done for a long period of time there is reason to celebrate and give release. I thank G-d for the opportunity to give to my country and in a job that I found very meaningful personally. I greatly merited.
