A Non-Apologetic Attempt at Blog Stability

Hello Cyberspace!

I am so sick of starting a post with an apology for not having posted in ages (weeks, months, whatever it is really) so this time I won't; I'll start with a statement. With the help of G-d this year I would like to schedule a post a week, most likely it shall fall out on Fridays. We shall see how this goes, and in the meantime do bear with me. I intend to try my best!

I've peered back at the last post I uploaded and much time and many adventures have since transpired. Some major life events are included in the following list:

-I finished my first year of national service (in place of military service)
-I went to America for a three week visit
-I began to feel very lost in my life
-I have a new niece!

Gee whiz, I know myself quite well and honestly I am quite capable of dedicating a post to each of these developments but I shall try my utmost to keep each matter to a paragraph...or two.

Serving my country is and was a whirlwind of merriment, responsibility, jest, gravity, disappointment, wonder, and maturation. Spending any sizable amount of time volunteering one's time has an affect on us human beings, and I venture the act of giving of myself every single day for an entire year did influence me. The largest aspect I took from my first year of Sherut was Hebrew. My language skills improved and progressed in ways I had never dreamed possible. My conversational skills and linguistic abilities soared and I now am able to confidently maintain that I speak "Basic Hebrew."

Additionally, I built several friendships with, quite shockingly to myself, Hebrew speaking girls, which eventually culminated with me being able to spend a Shabbat with Hebrew-speaking girls for a birthday. On that Shabbat I learned the importance of being able to say no. There was a game being played where one girl would put a piece of paper with a noun on her head and she would have to guess what it was with the help of the other girls. This is essentially a text-book nightmare situation for an immigrant. I participated marginally in the rounds and when the turn for the paper got to me I politely declined. Some of the girls began insisting I take the paper proclaiming "I'll help you! Here I have an easy one for you!" They didn't realize of course, but this sentiment of theirs only added insult to injury: I don't want an easy one or help. Had we been playing in English I would have managed fabulously on my own, thank you very much! I held my ground and eventually the girls accepted my stance. I didn't have the heart to explain to them, but the truth is that that kind of game will probably never be fun for me in Hebrew. This Shabbat taught me I don't have to accept passively that sinking dread in my stomach when a game is suggested; I do not have to welcome the heat that starts prickling my neck or the moisture that pools on my palm as my turn approaches--I can just say "No, thank you."

***

America! Oh lord, what a splendid continent! My sisters and I enjoyed a three week holiday on that golden soil. Grandmothers were visited, elder sisters were placated, much shopping was done, and friends were called on for the first time in two years! America was a sweet respite from daily immigrant life and a timely reminder that I am growing up and it's time to make some adult decisions. Two elements of the trip I would like to share here. First, I had anticipated a huge headache upon arrival based on the sudden deluge of English and I thought being surrounded by my mother-tongue all hours of the day would cause an ache in my brain. I was pleasantly surprised that the opposite was true. I didn't feel any additional pressure in my head from the English, rather I felt a pressure being released as I understood the entirety of my surroundings. It was similar to letting out a breath I had been holding; like my shoulders relaxing even though I hadn't realized they were tense for so long. It was a serene sensation. 

The second element was a somewhat sad realization. I had expected all my childhood friends to comment on how Israeli I had become. I was imagining comments on my style of dress, forward mode of speech, and lack of respect for private space. Instead, nobody showed any reaction at all, and most people treated me exactly the same. One chap even went so far as to inform me when I apologized for asking a personal question and that I have no boundaries "Shira, you've never had any boundaries." And I think this is how many felt, that I hadn't 'become' Israeli at all, I've always been Israeli. I was a little defeated after this epiphany, but I suppose for much more of my life than I had assumed I have been people's "Israeli friend." There are worst titles, however, so despite my disillusionment I will prevail!

***

While on my holiday, I started thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. Essentially, I have lost my way a little bit. I have strayed from my inner path and am looping around to hopefully arrive at some answers. I find myself drawn to medicine, but I take much issue with standard medical practice. I lack the patience to be a nurse and am attracted to the liveliness of doctors. I want to help and heal, but would make a disastrous nurse, a doable doctor, and not-totally-certain what kind of physiotherapist. I'm very muddled! My perplexed self is trying to learn/master the art of living day by day. If anyone has some good counsel on how one decides what do do with themselves in their lives, please leave a comment. 

***

Lastly, I have a new niece! Her name is Shalhevet Alma Rivkah and she is a beautiful specimen who does proud to the family name. I love her loads already <3

I remain yours,

Shira 

Tried to post in Hebrew but formatting was being wacky, perhaps next time there will be more luck.