Hello!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while...no wifi in my dorm and loads of other lame excuses. Also the formatting is a little strange for this post because I wrote it at so many different times. I apologize.  Anyway...

Well I always have such dreary and depressing posts and that's not really fun. I tallied up my positive versus negative posts and although they sum up about fifty-fifty, I noticed that the positive ones are about two thirds shorter. Oops. 

I realize this is strange, and I don't fully understand why this is, but I do see that it gives a more morbid feeling to the whole blog. Thus, to combat this dark cloud, I thought to jot down some funny conversations I've had (or someone in my family has had) or heard as an immigrant. I will note that these may be slightly embellished for effect, but a very close variation (if not the exact version) of these conversations did occur. 

1) Happy Birthday

My father, mother, and I are gathered around speaking to our American friend. She introduces us to her son who we are unsure if he speaks English. While my Israeli father is conversing with him

Friend (in whisper to me): It's my son's birthday today. Wish him happy birthday.

Me (awkwardly): !מזל טוב! עד מאה ועשרים

 Translation: Congratulations! Until 120!

Elongated (to me) pause. In my head I keep going: "Wait, how do I say happy birthday? How do I say happy birthday???" Meanwhile the conversation between my father and the son is continuing. Finally...

Me (interjecting loudly after socially awkward pause): !יום הולדת שמח 

Translation: Happy birthday!

2) Annoying Neighbor

Walking with my buddies from the Shevet (youth group) on Shabbat. One of them turns to me in a friendly way and starts to chat with me

Friend 1: מה שלומך שירה? איך מדרשה? שמתי שפלונה אלמונה היא שם איתך. איזה כיף! תגידי לי פלונה אלמונה היא מעצבנת אותך

Translation: How's it going Shira? I heard that X is at Seminary with you. What fun! Tell me, does X annoy you?

I think to myself "Well gee, that word probably means something like help or manages. Of course my friend helps me out!

Me: !כן כן בטח

Translation: Yes yes! Of course!

The friend in question, who is also strolling with us, swivels around and asks in a slightly hurt tone

Friend 2: מה? אני מה?

Translation: What? I what?

Me (beginning to color slightly): ...מה קרה? הפואל הזה כמו לעזור נכון? משהו טוב

Translation: What happened? This verb is like to help, right? Something good...

Friend one (in English now): No Shira, it is like to annoy.

3)The Hysterical phone-call 

I needed to make an appointment to receive a shot for my national service. I'd been through quite a few hoops already and many people I spoke to on the phone kept sending me to different offices and all around the country. Finally, I had everything I needed and I wanted to schedule an appointment. I'd been told that it is best to just ask to speak in English for anything medical related in this country. So I swallowed my pride and decided to just ask to conduct the phone call in English.I called the number to make an appointment and:

Me: שלום, אפשר לדבר באנגלית?

Translation: Hello, is it possible to speak in English?

Woman 1: כן רגה.

Translation: Sure, wait a moment

At this point she put me on hold. Then another woman picked up a few moments later.

Me: שלום, אפשר לדבר באנגלית?

Translation: Hello, is it possible to speak in English?

Woman 2:  כן רגה.

Translation: Sure, one moment.

This woman tried to transfer me to a different person, but it wasn't working and she kept telling me to wait a sec. Finally I just gave up and said...

Me (very disgruntled and wary):אפשר לדבר ברברית אם יש לך צבלנות.

Translation: It's possible to speak in Hebrew if you have patience.

The woman laughed and then said she did have patience. I made the appointment and it turned out she did speak a little English. After we had successfully scheduled an apointment from a mostly Hebrew conversation...

Me: ממש? וואו היה יותר קל מחשבתי! תודה רבה!!!

Translation: Really? Wow, that was easier than I thought! Thanks so much!

The woman was laughing and laughing as I hung up. I think I made her day. 

And my friends, those are just a few funny moments. Other times people tell me I have bad Hebrew, but they use the wrong gender and I laugh in my head at the absurdity of them insulting my Hebrew incorrectly. Sometimes I say I want to cancel something when I mean express it. This happens to the best of us and although in the moment it is often very painful, it is good to try and reflect later and have a good laugh. 

I hope you all have a great day. My eventual goal is to post once a week. Wish me luck!

Yours etc,

Shira

No need for more Hebrew here, there's plenty in the post :D